helloooo

I'm in such a bad state rn... parents hating on me for no reason. No i swear this time it's not my fault, or in fact anyone's fault. Simply put, my mom just lost a hundred dollar note, and she's accusing my sis and/or me of stealing that note. And she's so persistent in believing that it's us that it feels as if she's forcing us to admit something we didn't do. Gosh I don't even know what to say. Like how unreasonable can this get.
oops soz for ranting T^T I'm super emotionally tired... I wanted to just sob and cry in the toilet but they're gonna scold me for crying "when in the first place I was the one in the wrong".

Remember like three or four years ago I was so upset, and I was that practically everyday. But I also remember how you guys totally changed my attitude (positive connotation), I wish we could relive those moments.

I'm basically just sad again.. Either I'm stressed about school work or saddened by what I get in my life. In my eyes, it is as if you all have gotten what you need & want, while I've barely gotten 100% of what I need. Sometimes I get jealous of what joyous lives you guys have now. Maybe you have your difficulties that you don't surface, but I think you guys are still able to overcome them. Not saying that my problems are bigger; but rather I am weaker in a way that I can't even get past my depression. It's something I've started and yet I can't stop it. baka.

Most of the time when I'm about to shout or scream, I keep thinking like, what would Sue Min or Celeste do? Celeste would keep quiet to avoid further conflict, Sue Min would reason out very very calmly and logically (or if there's nothing to reason out you'll prolly do what Cel did). I remember you guys telling me this: Don't talk back to them, so that it'd be over sooner. I wish I had the calmness you guys have.

Tomorrow my class is out on a CIP trip to SAVH. I'm wondering if I should bring my uku, just in case we have nothing to do. Cause we can play music and then yay time is occupied ^-^
But if my mom finds out I'm bringing it she'll obviously say no cause she thinks I destroy practically whatever I touch. Her words.

Goodnight guysss
At least I feel *slightly* better after typing this.
Maybe I'd feel better if I could talk to you guys... I wish.

- Rennn

hey guys!

I've just suddenly came to realize about what a bad friend I am... Meaning, all along my life I had never truly been able to cherish a friendship. I couldn't even start with a 'hi' or a 'hello' and whatsapp with you guys and have an actual conversation. I'm just too scared bc you have new friends and I really didn't wish to be a disturbance in your social life.

but uhm, just an update of my life hehe. I've been sort of diagnosed with depression... yeah it's pretty bad. No, I don't hurt myself anymore, but I cannot deny having thoughts about them. This isn't exactly a good news to share but, I instantaneously felt the need to tell you guys. I'm not taking any antidepressants at the moment because I honestly don't believe that they can actually help. I mean, 90% of mental illness has got something to do with the mind, not physical health. I wished I had the mind of renata when she was 10. Not very mature but at least she wasn't depressed.

How are all of you? I genuinely hope that you've been enjoying 2014. Funny how it's now august; it felt like the past eight months had just wheezed by pretty quickly. At least for me. I heard Celeste's in a band (i don't even know your band name omg soz), and Sue Min's a real funny friendly (somewhat)undefinable but ultimately still a quirky buddy to everyone you meet :)

Sad to say my grades are falling like Selena Gomez's twitter follower count (okay that was a bad simile but you get what i mean right ho ho). A Math is my ultimate struggle like ahhhh why can't I pass MATH?! sobs I hope you're not like me or anything. Cause Sue min your essays have the taste of professionalism and Celeste, deducing from your facebook and instagram pictures and the upload rates I feel like you have no problem with anything.

Oh gosh I don't even know how you guys are doing.

It really frustrates and saddens me to know that I've had had good friends beside me all along and I hadn't treasured it well. I can't even find a picture with four of us in the same picture with all our faces

okay this is supposed to be a quick thought. oooh and a real quick last message for today:
ITS DEMI'S BIRTHDAY AHAHAH YAYYYYY

I'm not a lovatic who's as crazy as I was before haha. But I tend to remember events like this cause I have two lucky duckies who share the same birthday as her. They're not even lovatics .__. nah not jealous just wondering why they can't be more enthusiastic about this fantabulous news.

Alrighty goodnight peeps xx

It'd be a miracle for you guys to log onto this blog and read the past few posts that I've written here, wouldn't it? Hehehe. I don't think you'd be interested anymore, but I'm just hoping you'd remember what we had done in primary school i.e. create this blog :P

okay BYE :D

-REnatA-

MASSIVE HARLOW FROM ME :3

hi hi hi guys gosh I miss everyone so so much!! >< I wish I could stay in primary 5 forever, cause it was my best year with you guys. but alas, we all have to grow up and make more friends. I'm glad that you all have found the right cliques and are in a state of happiness in your schools ^ ^

So Celeste and I were chatting on ask.fm (weird right HAHA but wellz) and we were thinking of having a sleepover right after she comes back from USA (lucky lucky pig.) ...
... but I don't think I am able to go, sorry about that.

Lately there had been SO so many things that happened at home. I'm basically just stuck in the middle of every conversation, then left alone in a dilemma. It frustrates me so much, so much that I really want to talk to you guys a lot more. So much that I regretted having not told you the things I really wanted to tell you guys.



But recently I wrote a message to you guys. I was feeling lost then, and I just wanted to escape that period of time for the longest time I could. I wished to never stop typing, and to just talk to you guys endlessly. It felt so great to be talking to you guys, knowing that you'd always support me in any way you could. Like, I didn't have to worry about anything that had bothered me at that time. The bad things disappear and everything in life suddenly seems so amazing.

Don't worry, I'm not thinking of stupid things. Like I had said... I'm just so lost right now. And believe me, I never want to stop typing. This blog (as well as my other personal blog) is my 'escape zone'. I don't wish to leave this magical place, and go back to a chaotic universe. I honestly hated that place.



Even so, we all have to be realistic. I have to find new friends, and so do you all. It's hard for me to find the people who are comfortable with me, and me with them, too. But anyway, I invite you to read this message that I had written. It's not that I want you to force you to have to talk to me again, to never ignore me, stuff like that. I just thought of letting you guys know of how I feel whenever I flip through the pictures of us. I miss us.

Here's the link hehe.
http://weareinfinite-xoxo.blogspot.sg/2013/11/a-letter-to-my-best-friends-from-5.html#comment-form

I hope tomorrow would be kinder to me, as well to you guys too :)

Renata xx

Hey guys! How'd you all been doing eh?

(I have to admit, sometimes I feel pretty lonely when you guys aren't around :B )

I MISS EVERYONE ZOMG TT.TT
and occasionally I wished we were still young.

have a wonderful day ahead x

Renata

omgeee I still miss Kenneth :'(

and now my teacher looks a lot like kenn and I'm just there spazzing and actually dreaming about him while going unnoticed D: and he's like leaving in the month of June... :( aiyo all the guys I like end up going away too soooooon. whyyyyy
can't believe i actually dreamt about him hugging me... -.- i just really really really like him... well he may love his anime and figurines more than his sister but I just cant control it.
i just cant stop liking him.
but the worst part is that there are 2 better girls out there who likes him too, one of who is somewhat irritating cuz she just talks to him every single day. The other who just says "HI Mr Lim!" in that high pitch kinda-act cute voice... well Mr Lim doesnt really talk to me, even when I'm vice LOL.
I'm such a fail in every way. UGH
and now idk what to do lol like should I just stop liking him cuz he's leaving soon, but he just looks so damn attractive.
gosh it's me being me again. haiz
CAN I DIE asdfghjkl

bye to the blog no one reads or use.
Renata... kinda heartbroken lor heh.